Educational Platforms Aren't Dating Sites Nor Adult Entertainment

How to navigate 3 different, uncomfortable situations

The darker side of tutoring online often starts with a dark screen,
not knowing who’s behind, unaware of what you’ll find…

The Darker Side of Teaching Online

Teaching online can be rewarding, flexible, and genuinely meaningful but it also comes with challenges that aren’t often talked about.

Today we are going to discuss three common challenges that often affect female tutors in particular:

• Challenge 1: “Female Duties”

• Challenge 2: Questions Around Your Relationship Status and The (S)Hero Syndrome

• Challenge 3: Inappropriate Behaviour

Let’s unpack these together.

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Challenge 1: “Female Duties”

Unfortunately, some female tutors encounter students who openly express what may appear as hostility toward women. A student may enter the virtual classroom and say things like:

“Women shouldn’t work.”

“Women belong only in the kitchen.”

These comments can feel outdated, old fashioned, sexist / offensive, but it’s vital to note that they often stem from deeply ingrained cultural or religious perspectives rather than personal attacks.

How to handle this:

• Keep boundaries firm and professional.

• Redirect the lesson back to language learning.

• If remarks become aggressive or disruptive, report them.

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Challenge 2: Questions Around Your Relationship Status

“Are you single?”

A question someone would expect to hear when being introduced to an admirer or a stranger who is attracted to them in a setting such as at a bar.

Yet upon meeting some new students online, tutors may find that this question randomly comes up. It’s as if the student thinks the class has transported to a Mixer of dating potentials and they want to make sure you’re available.

So how do you answer this question?

This is when I steer the conversation off this topic, as quite frankly I see where it’s heading.

It’s ultimately up to you, yet I suggest you keep it professional, you don’t have to talk about your romantic life, this is a class not an online date.

Here are some suggestions to help:

• Interesting question, yet I don’t talk about my personal life.

• Yes / No (then back to the purpose of the lesson).

• I am married / in a relationship (then return to the learning goals).

Doing the above will make it clear that you are there to teach and even if the lesson is free conversation, it doesn’t have to focus on your love life.

In saying this, the context of the question is important, if your topic is about family and you are stating that you are ‘married with 3 kids’ or you are talking about your weekend and are sharing that you and your spouse did something interesting, then this is a completely different matter.

However, there are situations when some regular students start to “fall in love” with their tutor.

Lessons are a safe space, and students may open up, sharing hopes, frustrations, hobbies, or bad days.

Sometimes that emotional comfort gets misinterpreted. You feel the shift: lingering stares, personal questions, requests for personal details such as your phone number.

This is what I refer to as the ‘(S)Hero syndrome’ - when a student / client / patient falls for the professional that is helping them.

As a tutor, be aware of signs, are they gazing into your eyes for what seems too long? Are they flirting? Are they consistently drawing images of you from your classes or profile photo and altering them such as the image below?

This is where tutors must draw a clear line.
If you work on a tutoring platform, exchanging personal details is usually forbidden and could cost you your job. On some platforms, you can only exchange details if you or your student are leaving the company.

Please remember that you are their tutor not a potential romantic partner.

There are cases of some tutor-student (adult) relationships and if you find yourself wanting to explore this area, then you have to consider whether you are prepared to quit this job.

This type of bond, is based on your own values, morals and boundaries, yet I do strongly suggest if your intentions as a tutor or student are to find love online, then try dating sites, it’s created for this. Tutoring sites are absolutely not!

Ways to address the requests for your details:

• Politely but firmly say you keep communication on the platform.

• Redirect conversations back to learning goals.

• Report repeated boundary-crossing to the company.

• Avoid exposing them on sites such as Reddit, you are the professional in this situation, if you are going to discuss this situation leave their name out of the details.

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Challenge 3: Inappropriate Behaviour

Behind the dark screen

A tutor's role is to help you on your learning journey, starting with the foundation, climbing to reach the top. The aim of the teacher is to bring out your potential to its peak, there shouldn't be any hidden plot twist, nor climax, this is a job of a knowledgeable mind, not a distorted one!

The worst experience some female tutors face (and perhaps some men too) of which I encountered several times myself on a teaching platform (I previously worked on) is explicit exposure during a trial lesson.

A student joins with their camera off, doesn’t respond after you welcome them and ask them to introduce themselves… There’s silence, followed by heavy breathing, then suddenly they turn the camera on displaying their private parts…

Needless to say, this is extremely inappropriate. It’s shocking - for some distressing and above all completely unacceptable!

What did I do?

I ended the lesson immediately, reported the incident, and blocked the user from the platform. I then took a break, called my husband to our office and told him.

People who do this are disrespectful, ignoring the important reality: this is a tutoring site, not a pornographic platform!!

There are dress codes and behavioral standards for both teachers and students.

Violating them is disrespectful and serious. Many don’t realize that lessons are often recorded and stored on company servers.

Thankfully, tutors aren’t required to review those recordings, no one should have to relive that.

How to cope if this happens:

• End the session immediately, no explanations needed.

• Report the incident straight away.

• If you need to just take a break afterward; shock responses are real and valid.

• Remind yourself: you did nothing wrong.

Online teaching is meaningful work but it isn’t without its darker moments. Talking about them matters. Not to discourage tutors, but to prepare them, protect them, and remind them that professionalism, boundaries, and self-respect always come first.

Thanks for reading,

𝓒 𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓮 ✨

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